Tuesday, June 14, 2011

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5: Grotesque Ancient Medical Treatments

         So, everybody knows somebody who's afraid of hospitals. Well, before us, people had a reason to be afraid. Doctors were called crazy, they were all seen as a sort of Frankenstein. Seeing I'm in a hospital, I think that this is nothing more than appropiate. So, let's see a few of these medical practices.

5: Bloodletting

         The oldest treatment in existence, bloodletting is draining the body of blood, usually with leeches, to get rid of diseases, wounds, and even heartburn. This was done until the early 19th century. George Washington had this procedure done on him. So, what happened to him? He died of blood loss.

Don't be scared, my boy, this is the cure to your gastritis!

4: Circumsicion

         If you're going to get this one, do it while you're a baby. The pain's supposedly too much. Now, many guys don't know why their foreskins get cut off, they just say because of religion. Really, there was some chance of getting an infection and either dying or losing your penis. Now, for circumsicion, there are pros and cons, details I won't get into, but you get the idea.

No. - Eccentric Realist Photo Department

3: Bladder Stones

         All right, so it's painful enough to pass one, but in the old days, what if you couldn't? Well, it's kind of ugly. You would lie down on a doctor's aide, and have your legs forced behind your head. Then, the doctor would push with his left fist to your testicles to get the bladder in place and shove his other hand through the anus. There, he would feel around for a stone, and when he found it, he'd make an incision and remove it with the hand with the best grip. Then, you'd bleed a few pints to reduce the chance of infection.

Turn around and bend over, I'm gonna get these out of you.

2: Hemorrhoids

         Hemorrhoids is the name for a certain condition where a part of the intestines is forced out of the anus and gets inflamed. Ewwwwww. They even have a saint. So, what was the procedure? The doctor would grab the hemorrhoid, and pluck it off. If that didn't work, he'd burn it off. Yeah, kinda cruel, don't you think?


1: Hernia

         So, hernia's the worst thing you can do to yourself if you're a guy. Why? Well, it involves the organs in your abdomen to fall to where your testicles are. So, the surgery's not really sounding that fun, huh? Well, no. They actually open you up there, and separate everything inside. Everything that belongs in the abdomen is pushed back up there, and the inner canal is rebuilt. Of course, this was way ahead of its time and is quite effective.

For the last time, NO.

         There you have it. Some doctors, as I said, were damn insane, but what choice did these people have? Well, till next time, and remember, if time travel's discovered and you ever travel to the past, do your best to not get hurt.