Sunday, June 12, 2011

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How To: Choose A Father's Day Gift

        All right, so Father's Day is coming up. You know, that one day in the year where you tell your pop how much you love him and all that mushy stuff. Every year, it's kinda hard to choose what you'll give him. Jewelry's gay, he's already got a bunch of watches, shoes, shirts, pants, I don't know, but any time you think of something, he already has it. So, what do you do? Get him something unique.

Happy Father's Day!

         First of all, you've gotta know his interests. If he loves soccer, get him something related to soccer. If he loves boxing, get him some new boxing gloves. He loves music, get him a CD. If he loves women, get him a magazine, I don't know, you've gotta find out his interests. Once you do, then find out what he wants most from it.

         Now, once you've made up your mind, decide color, size, shape, etc. Find out his favorite brand, and get one of that one. He loves Prada, get him shoes from Prada. He likes Nike, get him the best shoes they've got. Show him you know him and you love him. You know, in the least creepy way you can.

"This isn't gay, right, Dad?" - "Son, shut up."

         Last thing. Do not tell anyone. People are stupid and will tell him what you've got them, even if your old man didn't ask. Why? They can't hold it in. They suck at keeping secrets. So, you're going to get something for your father, do it alone. Once you get it, hide it until father's day. Especially if it's magazines. So, once it gets here, have a great father's day, take him to the bar, and yeah, enjoy it while you can. You never really know how much he's got left.