Saturday, June 11, 2011

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How To: Survive A Bar Fight

        All right, so you're hanging with your buddies, the party's getting better and better, and some guys decide to chug a few beers. Then, things change. Bottles are broken, and somebody's coming to you, ready to hurt you. What do you do?

         The first thing you'd want to do is avoid the conflict, and pray he's not an MMA fighter. Try to talk the other guy out of it. You'll be grateful to have your whole face on than to fight and survive. If the other guy doesn't comply, then you'll want to check your surroundings. If he's blocking the exit, look for another. If he has friends, be careful.

I just had four gallons of vodka. Who said I'm fat, comrade?

          If the other guy's piss drunk, then it'll be easy to just push him on the ground. Just be careful that he doesn't have a knife or something sharp to swing wildly. You can also throw stuff, like a chair. Of course, it's easier to throw a bottle, it's enough to bring him down with a good hit to the head. The point is to get him to the ground so you can run away.

You're clear, man, get out!

         Do not punch him. Why? Because if you don't know how to throw a punch, you'll hurt yourself, and can even end up breaking your hand. Push the other guy if you don't have any martial arts training at all. If he has friends, then you don't have much of a chance fighting. Like I said, try to clear an exit path and run away. If they were chugging beer then they won't be able to catch up. An effective technique, which I don't know why guys really resist using, is a good, hard kick to his cojones. That'll leave him on the ground, no matter how drunk he is.

          If you end up on the ground, get up immediately. Remember, there are no rules, and you need to survive. Grab any object and hit him in the face with it. Punch him in the throat. Gouge his eyes. Do anything that will let you go free, I don't know, twist his nipples. In the end, the important thing's to run away. Remember, it's self defense. If anybody's getting in trouble, it's him. Let's review some of the techniques now.

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