Monday, October 17, 2011

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5: Must Not See Movies

                   So, I wrote about 5 must-see movies the other day, now, we're going to talk about its nemesis, the must-not see. So, yeah, some movies are great, but some, suck, like, fucking, HELL! They can be so bad they're good, or they can piss the shit out of you (I don't even know how that's even possible). So, in the name of warning you guys, here are 5 movies you shouldn't even mention.

Their effects are more horrible than this.

5: Epic Movie

                   These guys have done about everything. American Movie, Date Movie, Superhero Movie, and they actually were amongst the producers in Scary Movie. So, why do I choose this one? This is the one that paved the way for the really, really suckish ones. Date and American movies were tolerable, but this one was the first of many to just be stupid, for being stupid, and stupidity isn't justified unless there's a reason. 

I mean, come on!

                   Also, I mean, come on, the jokes were crude, stupid, the effects sucked, the actors were worse, and every single bit of the movie was a piece of shit. It's lower than Troll 2, damn it! That's very suckish, and this is the first of five.

4: The Son Of The Mask

                  When this one came out in the theater, I went with the highest of expectations and came out crying like a baby. Why? This movie was an atrocity to all mankind. I mean, not only did they do a Jim Carrey sequel without him, they made it as worse as they fucking could! I mean, not only a storyline that sucked, I mean, what the hell can a baby do with a mask? They should have used a damn teenager, at least.

I blacked out of rage.

3: Waterworld

                 I mean, come on, Kev. Your team blows almost billions and you're acting worse than Nicolas Cage!

Only derps liked this.

2: Twilight Series

                What do you do when you have a pale ginger, a clumsy girl, and a whole lot of sparkles? Twilight. These movies achieved a level of gayness not even gay people could ever achieve, and, I mean, as Stephen King put it: "Stephanie Meyer can't write worth a darn." I'll be more direct and say she's shitty. But, come on, at least the girls are hot right?

Sheesh.

                 Well, sort of. You've got Dakota Fanning, that's good jailbait right there. There's not really much more to the series, maybe a vampiress or two, and that's it. But, I mean, if the book was bad, what about the movies, damn it?

Wait! Girls!

1: The Room

               Now, although this one is suckish, it's better than Twilight and Epic Movie. The thing is, it's so bad, it's kind of hilarious. Any terror night, they play this movie. It's about a dude who's betrayed. The movie's called the Citizen Kane of Bad Movies. I suggest you watch it, and die of laughter.

You're tearing me apart, Lisa!