Sunday, November 20, 2011

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How To: Mosh

                All right, so I've got plans to go see Megadeth tomorrow (actually today, just a lot later), and of course, there will be mosh, and it will be brutal. So, to all of you guys out there who are going to a metal concert and don't know what to do in the mosh pit, just read this.

DO NOT BE SCARED

               First of all, there are rules. They're unwritten, but they're still rules. The first one is that if a fellow mosher falls down, you go out of your way to get him the hell up. The dude can die down there. What can happen if you try to help? You could maybe get a small push or something, but that's serious business, moshing is not a way to hurt people. 

It's not about leaving people like this.

              Dude, don't cop a feel. Trust me, female moshers, they don't fly with that. If they won't beat the shit out of you, somebody will. It's just wrong, man. Also, don't throw punches around. Like I said, you don't mosh to beat people up. You'll be unable to run and very outnumbered. Apologize if you hit somebody by accident. 

Remember dude, YOU'RE NOT A KOALA.

              If you see somebody that's trying to get out, for the love of god, run to him and push him out. That kind of helps always appreciated. Also, if somebody's pretty hurt, ask if you can lift him to security, and have everybody crowd surf them to the front. 

This is crowdsurfing mexican style.

              Possibly, the most important rule of all is: don't pull people in. If they want to mosh, they'll mosh, sooner or later. You don't know if they're sick, hurt, or they just don't want to. Just, don't be a jerk. Trust me, I've been pulled into some mosh pits when I didn't want in, and I got pissed

This is what getting pulled into the pit is like.

             Now, if you want to worry about clothing, wear something very, very light. You'll need to be mobile, and you'll be covered in sweat (it's hard to take sweat out of heavy clothing). Use laced shoes, because untied shoes tend to get lost pretty easy. If you can keep your belongings in buttoned pockets, do so. Also, don't be so stupid as to use glasses. If you're moshing, you ain't that far in the first place. 

I just remembered, dress like her if you're a girl, but don't do that, for the love of god.

            Let's take a small look at position. You're going to want to have your arms raised, but don't look like you want to hit somebody. Don't have your arms down, or your face will get fucked up. Also, before you go in there, gauge out the intensity of the mosh. If you're going to a Pixies concert, you'll end up covered in sweat. If you're going to a Slayer concert, you'll be covered in blood. 

Go with them, they shall teach you the way.

             If you're going to be on the sideline, push people back in the pit, and keep those kids from falling. They'll thank you. Also pull people out if they need the help. If you're in, and you know there's a pause coming, stop. Moshers usually stop when there's a pause, and start again when the song gets going. 

If it gets boring, the crowd will just stay looking like in the "shreds" videos.

             Now, stay hidrated. Drink before or after moshing. Gatorade works fine. Moshing is actually very athletic and you will get tired, so be careful. Also, have some friends there so they can be ready to pull you out of the pit if you need it. All of this is essential so you don't pass out. You pass out and you're dead, bud. 

That right there could mean death, beware.