Thursday, November 17, 2011

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How To: Shake Hands

                  You'd think that every man would know how to shake hands, but you'd be surprised. There's a lot of wrong ways to shake hands. We'll see these individually, and then I'm going to tell you how you really shake hands. The importance of learning this is first impressions. Shake another man's hand in the wrong way, and trust me, you'll regret it for life. 

That right there, not acceptable.

                  The first one you don't want to do is the bone crusher. This is when you grab somebody's fingers and crush them with the force to desintegrate a human's skull.This leaves the other man in pain and will not give him a chance to grip your hand. This makes the other think of you as a guy who fakes respect others give him, or as somebody very, very controlling.

And a douchebag.

                  Another one you don't want to do is the limp/dead fish. This is when you give your arm, and instead of shaking, will leave it loose, so the other person can fling it up and down like a dead fish. This will make you seem insecure, because you show no control whatsoever.

That right there. Don't do that.

                  One that a lot of people don't like a lot is the politician's shake. This is when you shake somebody's hand, and then use your other hand to clasp their hand between yours. This kind of handshake means you're trying to tell the other something... figure it out.

Use this one only if you have a Machiavellian mind.

                  The never-let-go is one of the most crappy handshakes ever. You start shaking the other guy's hand, and don't let go like five minutes later. This, of course, will make you look like a needy wimp who still sucks on his mother's... you know what? I'll leave it at needy.

                  The sweaty handhsake also sucks. You just let the other guy know you're nervous. 

I dare you to shake these.

                  So, how do you do a good, manly handshake? Firstly, make sure that your palm is never facing up. Always sideways or down (it's a sort of instinctual thing). Firm grip, not too loose, not too tight so as to crush the other guy's bone. Shake up and down at the same rhythm a few times, and then let go. If you want to look generous, a simple clap on the guy's elbow with your other hand will do. Also, make eye contact, this is important. If you give a good handshake like this, you show that you are a man to be reckoned with. That's always a good thing. Always.

This sums it up.