Friday, December 23, 2011

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5: Facts You Didn't Know About Christmas

                     Ah, Christmas. The great Christian Holiday in which sales and charities boom, while the other religions have their own other celebrations, like Hannukah for the Jews and such. Around the holiday season, some weird stuff happens. Also, during history, weird shit has gone down on December the 25th. 

5: The Biggest Christmas Present Ever

                    The biggest Christmas present that has been given is, wait for it, the Statue of Liberty! The huge monster of a statue was sent by the French to the Americans in 1886. The lumbering statue is 46.5 meters high and weighs 225 tons. Beat that, current governments of the world!

Santa's screaming: "Whoo! Capitalism!"

4: Santa's Delivering Speed

                   Some scientists did a fun study and calculated that the speed that Santa Claus would need to deliver all of the presents in the world is visiting 822 homes a second at 650 miles per hour. Does the fat guy stop time or how the hell could he do it?

This is how we imagine Santa now.

3: Xmas

                  Although many think that Xmas is the irreligious way of saying Christmas, the X is a Greek abbreviation which means Christ. Also, you can imagine the X as a diagonal cross.

You're getting lightning up your ass, mofo.

2: Birthdays

                  A lot of notable people were born on Christmas. Conrad Hilton, founder of Hilton hotels, and great grandfather of Paris Hilton, was one of them. Another one was Robert Ripley, the creator of Believe it or Not! Humprey Bogart is in the list also. Notably, Sir Isaac Newton, one of the greatest scientists of all time, was also born on Christmas. The most special one for me, though, is my little Brother. I asked Santa for a little brother, and he was born December 25, 2000. 

I do not think you understand the gravity of this.

1: The Birth Of Christ

                 It's speculated that the birth of Jesus Christ didn't even go how the story described it. Supposedly, Joseph and Mary arrived to Bethlehem weeks before the birth. Also, he was said to be visited by magi, or wise men, but never was it mentioned that they were three. The Bible also doesn't describe angels singing. Jesus was said to be born in a cave, not a stable, and Joseph and Mary didn't stay with some innkeepers, they were with some relatives. Also, Jesus was said to be born around September. The Holy Roman Church took the liberty with the date, because the Bible didn't really say anything about the day he was born. Still, working the fields in December? Nuh uh, unlikely.

Also, scientists rebuilt Jesus's face, he probably looked like this. You know, since he was born in Israel.
Not like this.
Still, he's got your back.