Thursday, September 29, 2011

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On The Eve Of A (Hopefully) All-Girl Event

                     So, tomorrow Justin Bieber comes to Monterrey city. The results of the news were sad. Girls lined up, camped outside Ticketmaster, they did a whole lot of shit just to see this guy sing. Although I never quite understood what girls see in Justin Bieber, I have to give credit to the guy. He knows how shit goes down with girls. He makes music just for them. He gets to bang Selena Gomez. Yeah, I hate his guts, but I'm jealous of that last part. Come on, guys, you can admit she's hot. She's 19 now. 


                     I've heard some crazy stuff happened so girls could get tickets. For example, some girls made videos for local channels, the most voted ones won a double-pass. Some didn't have XV años (The Mexican [REAL] version of sweet sixteens) so they could buy a ticket. I even heard that some sold their virginity for tickets. Sorry, but that's sad. To give your virginity away just to see some dude you're never going to talk to, that's just plain sad. I wouldn't do it. If you'd heard of a guy doing it, you'd think "That's pathetic". But a girl's doing it, so you go "Aww".

It's time. You girls have gone too far.

                     I also remember seeing full-grown women on the news squealing to see Justin Bieber. They're just like Twilight moms, something's not right. The authorities actually had to give food and water to the girls who were in line, since they were there for days.
You've said it, anonymous internet dweller bro.

                    Now, I wouldn't do any of these drastic measures unless they FUCKING BRING DIMEBAG DARRELL BACK FROM THE DEAD AND UNITE PANTERA, but until that's possible, I mean really, it's ridiculous. Nobody sold her virginity to see Michael Jackson, why should they do it to see his flawed successor?

For this, I'd sell my virginity. To a guy.

                    Girls, I know you'll hate on me, a lot, because of these comments but really, I do respect the kid for getting to world fame in an extremely short period of time, but what I don't like is how you go crazy over him. It's too much. I've heard of girls fainting for the King of Pop, but I think one of you will get a heart attack over the Kid of Pop someday. Sheesh. 

Seems legit.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

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How To: Be A Faster Reader

                 I'm in high school, and I still see a lot of people reading at the speed of an elementary school kid. So, I'm going to help those of you in need, so you can actually read a big book in a week (and if you get better, a day). Here's what you gotta do: 

Sorry, Bush.

                 Practice, practice, practice. Yes, to read faster, you have to read more. This doesn't mean just books, it means short stories, poetry, articles, whatever, but I always try to read something, wherever I am. It doesn't just make you faster, it sharpens your mind, so much that you'll find yourself doing better in school, because you actually retain more when you read. 

                Another thing is to gradually increase the complexity of the books you read. Of course, if you're barely reading the Twilight series, don't go reading books by Ernest Hemingway. Start small, I don't know, read the Harry Potter books. They're simple enough. Or the Narnia Series by C.S. Lewis. Any of those book series can work; the vocabulary's not so complex. 
Readatus Quickus, bitch.

                One thing I find very useful is to actually imagine everything that's going around. That way, when you start reading, you keep immersing yourself, and actually enjoy the book. And of course, enjoying the book means that time passes quickly, but so will the chapters. 

That is what makes reading cool.

                So this is all I can do for now, but try these things and you'll find yourself reading faster in no time. Not only that, you won't be able to wait for the moment a new book will fall into your hands. Yeah, reading's great. Just, don't read at night. I mean late at night. You'll fall asleep.
And I shall post you on the Internet.

Monday, September 26, 2011

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How To: Be Funny

                 So, there's a lot of guys who for some reason think they're dull and that being funny would help them socially. I don't know what's getting into their heads, but damn it, if it makes them feel better, I'll let them rub off on my wings (and metaphorical armpits) to have some of the funny I give to the world. 


                 The first thing you want to do is not give a shit. What do I mean? If you keep thinking about doing something, you're not really going to do it right. How does this work? Try to think about talking to a girl. Think about it all day. Then, when you see her, how do you feel? Yeah, like hell. So, when the moment comes for being funny, you're going to panic. The key is to play it loose and not give a damn. 

Master Broda, showing off the general idea.

                 Another thing you want to do is just say what you're thinking out loud. People usually have funny shit going on in their heads, but won't say it out of fear of rejection. Well, they know that they're going to regret that, so what do you do? Just say your thoughts out loud. Nothing's going to happen if you're friends with everybody you're talking to. Only, if you're going to say anything racist, make sure your ethnical friend won't get easily offended. Another thing that can help is laughing at yourself after laughing at someone else. Works like a charm. 

Visual imagery also works like a charm.

                  Also, do not, for the love of God, just try and try to make people laugh. It comes off as annoying after a few minutes. I know of some guys who will keep trying and trying, and it will just look sad. So, like I said, take it easy, speak your thoughts, and just have a good time. It comes along. 

You could alsy try his techniques...

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5: Extremely Stupid Fashion Trends People Followed

                 Ah, clothes. They can mean so little, yet mean so much at the same time. People can use them to show status, express their feelings, etc. I've always been so easily offended by people who hate black, because hey, I love black. Still, some clothing fashions were and are HUGE no-nos. Let's take a look at a few...

5: Shoulder Pads

                I don't know how shoulder pads were, and are, still used a lot. Especially by older women. What's wrong with it? Well, I mean seriously, why the hell would I want to go out with a woman who looks like she has broader shoulders than me? I wouldn't date a linebacker now, would you? 


4: Extremely Low-Rise Pants

               Now, I usually wouldn't mind seeing a bit of ass now and then, but come on, lady! Show some respect to the kids who will be laughing themselves to death when they see you walking! Those pants are guaranteed to make a lot of low-class people whistle and holler after you, and damn it, if you wear those kind of jeans, YOU DESERVE IT. 

Hey! Only in the house! Wear normal pants for outside, damn it!

3: Popped Collars 

               Some say that if you want to be a rebel, you have to look different, so pop your collars. No. Rebels don't use collars in the first place. But, a person who does wear popped collars is a douchebag, and I mean guido-level douchebags. It's almost a uniform for these guys... it's so sad to even think about it. 

Just kill me now...

2: High Waisted Low Jeans (Mom Pants)

              The ugliest jeans I've ever seen in my life, these are the typical 70's stay at home mom pants, and trust me, I've seen some women of older age still use them, and every time I see them, I just want to vomit all over their jeans (although I know that they'll just buy new ones). They are literally the most unflattering pants in the world. 

What, the hell, is wrong with you!

1: Low, Baggy Jeans

             Yeah, trust me, if there's anything stupider than this, I'll lose faith in humanity completely. Of course, the pants aren't as low as they used to be, but come on, you can see all of the dude's ass, why not make baggy boxers too, huh? Oh, what, slippery slope? You think we'll be walking around nude and shit after that? Well, yeah, and that's why anybody who wears low, baggy jeans will go to hell. 

                All right, so there's still a lot of ground to cover, but this is good for starters. Hey, I'm just a guy, don't expect me to rush into the whole fashion thing just yet... If you like this blog, then sign into your gmail account, click Follow, and share the blog. To all my loyal readers, see ya 'till the next post. 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

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On: Real Music

               All right, so, as some of you know, I am a fan of heavy metal, but I am not here to talk about how heavy metal PWNS other music genres, because really, I also enjoy classical music, rock, sometimes even rap and pop. So, how do you distinguish what real music is?


              First of all, you might want to check out if any of the band members composed the music and lyrics. Now, there's a few artists who pull off not writing their own music and making it real, but most of the time, it's not real. Why? They don't feel it. You have to feel the song if you want to play it right. You're not going to play a happy song when you're going through tough times, or vice-versa. You have to put your own emotions in the music. I won't say names, but...

I never said anything about pictures, right?

             Now, hipsters say popular music, or pop, isn't good at all, but I beg to differ. Of course, some of the music is extremely simple, which makes it too predictable, which sucks if you're looking for a higher intelligence level, but of course, it gets you high (yeah, it's been proven). So, what am I saying here? Good music can be simple, or complex, but the fact that it's popular music doesn't make it suckish. I enjoy Black Eyed Peas (a little bit older, though, I'm not a fan of techno), and Eminem. Even in heavy metal, where new music is rejected, I try to embrace it, be it new albums or new bands, like Avenged Sevenfold. (Relatively new). 

Where's the John Wilkes Booth skull?

              There's a reason why classical music was so revered. It was very, very difficult to write it, only masterminds could do it. That's why they became so famous. It's very hard to compose a single song for a single instrument, imagine composing one for twenty different instruments, with different timings, octaves, whatever. It was hard as fuck. Now, it's not so hard to make music, so a lot of artists will do whatever they can and write it off as music (I'm not blaming Rebecca Black for writing friday, she didn't but it's horrible that she sang it and then enjoyed it). 

I'd hit that... with a nailed bat.

               Of course, music, in the end, is all about taste, but there's much to explore, just to be stuck on one thing (especially reggaeton, I don't know how that still exists (many of my friends hate me for this)) so of course, I'm not going to tell you to listen to heavy metal, but give it a try, as well as rock, blues, rap, hip-hop, everything's got something good. 

Sorry, dude, we listened to everything before YOU GUYS listened to everything.

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How To: Let Go

                     There's always a time in life where you'll be forced to let something or someone go. Either they're going to move to another city, or they pass away, or maybe something more complex could happen. I don't know. The thing is, shit happens, and you have to learn how to let go, stress is the last thing you want to feel. 

                      First of all, you have to admit, you had a good run. Everybody has good and bad moments with other people they care about. If you didn't have any moments with someone, that's because you don't care about that person and you'll get over it very quickly. The more you care about somebody, the more you'll have trouble letting go. 

                      Another thing you can do is stay in touch. The thing about it, though, is that it becomes less frequent over time. You'll forget that the other person is even there, but of course, it does help to stay in touch the first days. That way, the process of letting go is more gradual. 

                      So, let's say a person's deceased. If you put emotions into objects, then you're going to have a hard time, but if you don't, it's going to be very easy. My grandmother, when she lost her husband, started selling his stuff. It was hard for her, but she needs the money, and there's always some emotional bearing in keeping around the shoes he always used, his clothes, etc. Heirlooms, of course, she wouldn't get rid of, but you have to get rid of the things that didn't matter, if you don't, they'll just be there to remind you of the other person every five minutes. 

                      The last thing you should do is say goodbye one last time. It helps a lot. How come? Because, that way, you know you're ready for bigger, better things, and that there's nothing that can hold you back, especially the past. Remember, to never turn back, because something might be lingering. This is the Eccentric Realist signing off for today, see ya whenever I get the chance to post again...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

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Book Review: Divine Comedy; Inferno (Live the journey too!)

               All right, so yesterday, I started reading the Divine Comedy, by Dante Alighieri. I've always loved the concept he'd made of hell, and after months of searching it at the high school's library, I found it. Up until now, I've LOVED the hell out of the book (figuratively). So, what's it about, for those of you with lesser cultural knowledge that have bestowed upon me the responsibility of educating you by reading this blog?  (This shall possibly be my longest post ever).

Ready for a magical trip filled with wonder and horror?

              Dante's in a forest (Yes, he's the main character) halfway through life (35 years old, ha, HA dad...) and a few things appear to him while he is lost. A leopard, a lion, a she-wolf, and Virgil (Yay, another poet). The last he follows to the gates of hell, which has a comforting inscription: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here". 

Why the hell is the thinker everywhere?
(Hint, he's Dante)

              So, Dante starts entering hell, first seeing the Shores of Acheron. Charon, a cranky old fart, didn't want to let Dante through, but Virgil had a small talk with Charon, and they stepped on his ferry. Before entering hell completely, Dante saw the uncommited, or, those who didn't take sides in the Rebellion Against God (lazy fucks). Now, I shall describe each of the circles of hell...

E-GAD! How come he's not dead?

Circle 1: Limbo

            Here rest virtuous pagans and unbaptized babies (yes, that's cruel, as they had no choice), and the circle of limbo is like a defectuous version of Heaven. There's a castle with seven gates (representing the seven virtues) where many philosophers (and even Virgil) live. The non-virtuous are punished by being naked and chased by mosquitoes. 

Pictured: Limbo

Circle 2: Lust

           This circle is for those who love sex. That's as simple as I can phrase it. These are the first truly punished. They are blown from one place to another by a giant hurricane, unable to rest (That actually sounds like fun, doesn't it?) 

Lust. As seen by EA Games.

Circle 3: Gluttony

            This one's actually kind of gross. Cerberus, "The Great Worm" guards the circle of Gluttony, where fat guys spend their days lying in a giant puddle of shit under a rain of icy shit. Gluttons lie sightless and heedless of their nieghbors (I mean really, who can actually see through a rain of shit?) 

Cerberus, as seen by EA.

Circle 4: Greed

           Where many people would agree that Donald Trump and Lars Ulrich would appear in, this circle belongs to those who kept and spent money (Somehow, I feel like we're not supposed to have fun). The hoarders and squanderers actually fight each other, screaming stuff like "Why do you waste?" and  "Why do you keep?". They're guarded by Plutus, the Greek god of wealth. He says something that nobody has understanded until now: "Papé Satan, papé Satan aleppe". 

Oh yeah, they also carried huge bags of money around. 

Circle 5: Anger

          In the swampy river Styx, the wrathful fight on the surface (Fucking' A!) and the slothful lie under a sort of ice cape that blocks them from going up to breathe. The marshes surround the City of Dis (Not that) which is guarded by Fallen Angels, and the furies, including Medusa. They wouldn't let Dante and Virgil enter, but an angel descended from heaven and touched the gate with his wand (get your mind out of the gutter) and shut the fallen angels up. 

Phlegyas, ferryman of the River Styx.

Circle 6: Heresy

           Those who are heretics, and atheists, suffer in this circle by being in flaming tombs. 

Sorry guys, would you help me with this nasty itch?

Circle 7: Violence
Divided into three parts:

Outer: Violence against people and property, immersed in a river of boiling blood. People like Alexander the Great are found here. 

Middle: Violence against one's self (suicide). These people are transformed into twisted trees where harpies make nests. 

Inner: Violence against God (blasphemers) and nature (homosexuals. No, really) live in a desert in which fire rains from the sky. 

Mmm, smells like soup.

Circle 8: This circle is for the fraudulent, and is divided into ten parts: 

1: Seducers, who suffer by being whipped by demons (Isn't that what they like?)

2: Flatterers, people who falsely complemented others, are immersed waist-deep in shit, which represents their words. 

3: Those who perform simony (paying for religious services, like baptism) are immeresed into the ground with their feet out. Their feet are always burning. 

4: Astrologers, sorcerers and false prophets: They walk with their head backwards, so they can't see ahead. 

5: Politicians (hehe) , immersed in pitch (a sort of flammable, sticky thing). 

6: Hypocrytes: They're stuck to the ground by leather cloaks. 

7: Thieves, guarded by the Centaur Cacus, are chased and bitten by snakes and lizards. 

8: Fraudulent advisors, they just walk around, burning. 

9: Civil desobedients are hacked by a devil again and again. 

10: Alchemists that are always sick. 

Circle 9: Treachery

             So, after crossing the biggest god-damned circle on the planet, Dante reaches the final circle, which contains those who have done the worst sin possible. There are a few levels. The first is those who betrayed their kindred, named Caina. The second one is for those who betray their cities, named Antenora, because of that douchebag who sold Troy away. The third one is Ptolomaea, which is reserved for those who betray their guests. The last one, Judeca, where the worst betrayers suffer, those who betrayed God. There, in the middle, is Lucifer, who has three heads, each one eating a different person. One eats Brutus, the other Cassius, the assassins of Julius Caesar, and the middle head eats Judas Iscariot. 


             After seeing all of this fucked up shit, Dante decided to stop eating all those shrooms, climbed up the devil's back, and finally made it out of the Inferno, now seeing Mount Purgatory in front of him. That's where the book of Inferno ends. I shall do a (shorter) review of Purgatory when I finish with that book. Until then, try not to sin, won't ya? You don't want to end up like any one of those sad fuckers up there. 

Dante, before writing his poem.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

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How To: Be Chivalrous

                  Well, women say that chivalry is dead. I am looking to put a stop to that sentence, and revive chivalry. Of course, it takes effort from you guys as well. So, how hard is it to be a gentleman? Not so much, in fact, I'm going to explain it in a few simple steps...

                  First of all, know the basics, like opening a door for a woman (and even other men) if you're closer to it. Always open the door for her when she's entering and exiting the car. If there's a big step down, help her down by holding onto her hand for her to put some weight on you. 

                  What else can you do? If you're in the street, always walk besides the cars. Why? It used to be done because pots would fall from buildings, so it was better for the man to be injured than the woman. Also, in case there was a car crash, you could push the woman out of the way on time. 

                  Never, ever, EVER swear in front of a woman. And your superiors, for that matter. A real gentleman would rather die than swear in front of a dame. Also, never break your promises. A wise gentleman only gives those he can keep. 

                  Also, remember grooming. A chivalrous man shall never, ever appear as if a dog just chewed on his clothes, and smelled like the dog pissed on him afterwards. Big no-no. Remember to be constantly mantaining your appearance (don't get obssesed and go metro either). 

                  One last thing, always defend your and your lady's honor. Of course, you shall always have your dignity, but if your rival strikes a blow, then make sure you only need to return one. Do not ever walk away from a fight without giving the other what he deserves. 

                  So, there's still a lot to learn, but you can start with these small mannerisms, and you shall be a true gentleman. Just remember to practice, and you'll get better and better at it. So, go out there and bring chivalry back to life, chap. 

Monday, September 19, 2011

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How To: Talk Like A Pirate

                   Ahoy mateys! Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day, celebrated around the globe since the date of September 19, 1995! Ye shall learn to speak like a pirate, or ye shall walk the plank! So avast, or I'll keelhaul ye to Davy Jones's Locker!


                   First of all, whenever you agree with/like/ect. something, say "argh"! Works like a charm! Also, use ye instead of you, or you're, or your, and use me instead of my. I don't make the rules, you want to change that, argue with Bartholomew!

Full-Time Fucking Legend.

                  Also use small piratey phrases such as keelhaul, which meant tying someone on a rope and lowering him into the ocean, walk the plank, which means to literally walk the plank, avast, which is get ready for battle (or something), and Davy Jones's Locker, which is hell. Also, know about the Jolly Roger, Blackbeard, and uh, there's not much more to it... matey. 

Thar be booty!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

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How To: Talk Your Way Out Of Trouble

                   Yeah, so you're already going through the motions at school, and of course, you're going to get into trouble sometime soon. It's kind of inevitable. So, you want to know how to stay out of trouble with charisma? Well, here's what you have to do. 

                    First of all, make sure you know what you can about your rival. Find out if they're religious, atheists, racists, etc., and use that to your advantage. For example, if you got into a fight, and you're facing expulsion, and your principal is very, very religious, you can tell him that you were fighting defending the name of God (Of course, if you're an atheist, try not to make it well-known), and also use words like "misunderstood" to gain a little sympathy. 

Sorry man, where I come from, jackass means "Dude with a huge dick"!

                    Also, flatter the authority. I don't mean for you to call him handsome, but use small compliments, say something like "I know you're a very generous person", or "Your reputation of being a good-willed person precedes you", just don't go overboard. 

Try this if you're a girl.

                     Also don't feel guilty, guilt makes you sound stupid. Think of what your response could be, and anticipate the other person's answer. Also, try to sell it. Don't fidget, blink too much, stammer, or just look nervous. Also, don't lie. Omit facts. That way, they could find out about it later on, but you'll be well away from harm. Don't joke. They won't take you seriously.  Also, have a good background. You have to have people to help you get out of trouble. If you've got a good backstory, you'll be fine. 

Listen to The Eccentric Realist, good peoples of the world!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

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5: Ghost Sites In The U.S.

                       Yeah, it's my mission to not let you sleep tonight. Why? Because screw you. I'm joking, I just want to have a little fun with you guys, and so, some of you may be cynycal, some of you super religious, I don't care, I dare you to visit one of these places!

5: Union Cemetery

                       This little jewel for ghost hunters is located in Easton, Connecticut. When I wrote my ghost novel, this was one of the places that really freaked me out. I don't know why, it just did. First of all, there's this story of a "White Lady", which has been reportedly seen crossing the street, and of course, being run over by jackass drivers. She's said to hunt a nearby cemetery, but I'm still cynycal one can walk so far with internal bleeding and shit (she was run over, wasn't she?)

Hey babe, you're very shapely, aren't ya?

                        There's also been sightings of another dude, called Red Eyes. It's a simple shroud with two red, gleering eyes that peer at you from the darkness. One guy ran from it and heard footsteps behind him. They caught his voice in an EVP once, he was supposedly called Earle Kellog, like the cereal. 

I see the resemblance.

4: Bobby Mackey's Music World

                         Imagine knowing that the gates of hell are around there somewhere. Well, supposedly, it's this little nightclub here. Supposedly, satanists went there and cursed the place, and demons enter and possess those who dance in there. Bobby Mackey thinks it's good publicity. 

Demons, if you can read, we don't have insurance, so fuck off!

3: Waverly Hills Sanatorium

                         This site is one of the most haunted places in the world, according to the townsfolk. It was used for tuberculosis patients. It shall be turned into a hotel for fanatics of haunted hotels. A lot of guys died there, and they even had a tunnel, through which bodies where lowered with a cart. They could reach the bottom with simple gravity. There's the legend of a nurse that commited suicide, some claim that 63,000 people died there, and every halloween, you can go ghost hunting in there. 

Image searching sucks at night, I put this so as not to be so cruel to you guys.

2: Belcourt Castle

                        This castle that's found in Rhode Island has had its taste of weird shit. It has been noticed because of moving chairs, a mirror that has a moving reflection, even though it's still, the apparition of a monk, and even a possessed statue. 

Beware: Keep your distance or be sprinkled in piss!

1: The Linda Vista Community Hospital

                       This one's for the metalheads and hard rockers. This here hospital has had a very, very great death rate, which meant it had to close down. There have been mostly sightings of patients and nurses, but you have to admit it's disturbing. So, why is it special? The video for "Nightmare", by Avenged Sevenfold, was filmed here. 

Oh, yeah, cool, that's definitely nog a guy doing cosplay, you know?

                       I shall continue with this series, soon. Muahahahaha.....

Friday, September 16, 2011

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5: Life Lessons From The Big Lebowski

                      So, while I watched The Big Lebowski, I noticed that if you could live like The Dude, you could always be happy. Why? He's The Dude! The guy has his own religion, Dudeism, which is almost like Taoism, but better. So, what can you learn from this movie?

5: Being A Nihilist Is Exhausting

                      Yeah, I know what you're thinking. An atheist is telling you that it's exhausting not to believe in anything. Well, I do believe in stuff. I believe that we have to have moral values, and obey the rules, I also believe that feminism has gotten stupid after women have gotten equal rights, and even privileges, and I also believe that love and a nuclear family is necessary for mental health. So don't go telling me I don't believe in anything that matters. 

                       So, why is it exhausting to be a nihilist? Well, there's nothing that holds you back. You don't have a limit, therefore, you're always going over it and draining your energy in the process. You're always fighting other people, judging them, and trust me, it ain't pretty to be conflictive all the time. 

It all goes down to this.

4: Even Strong Men Cry

                       Yes, I know, it's usually the role of women to cry, but damn it, when something horrible happens, man-tears have to appear. The situation can be the death of a family member, or a good, swift kick to the balls, but even the strongest of men cry (preferably alone).


3: You Have To Obey The Rules

                       Ok, so you're not going to pull a gun on somebody if they don't obey the rules like Walter Sobchak does, but you do have to recognize that without rules, society's going to decay and we'll be living like men from the stone age in no time. There's something like this happening in Mexico. Drug dealers aren't obeying rules and codes of honor, so what's going on? There's war, and the government can't do anything about it. The people aren't helping much either. 


2: If A Rug Ties Your Room Together, Keep It

                        Yeah. The whole plot of the movie is that The Dude wants his rug back because it really tied the room together. He was very, very pissed off, and had to steal a rug to tie the room together again. What happened without the rug? The room looked apart, the rug was almost like a link. This applies to you as well. Keep your room, house, whatever tied together, and if somebody pisses on that special rug, beat the crap out of him first. 

What would the room be without the rug?

1: Abide

                         This is the most important life lesson we can learn from The Dude. Abide. As The Dude says, "Life is too short and complicated, and nobody knows what to do about it, so don't do anything about it, just take it easy, man". Doesn't that sound like happiness to you? Sure, I'm not saying that you should be a slacker or anything, but come on, don't stress out for anything stupid, you know?

Just, yeah, man, you know?