Friday, December 21, 2012

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Gangnam Style

This article will be short, I must say I am very fucking impressed in ways that you cannot comprehend now that this day, the twenty first of December of the year 2012, Gangnam style reached one billion views on youtube, for ever keeping the video in the annals of history. This song, with the sudden urge of galloping that overtakes listeners, will be forever remembered as the first youtube billionaire. Kudos, PSY, kudos.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

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The Many Ways In Which The World Can End

         Readers, quite honestly, the apocalypse can suck my dick, but still, there's many ways it can manifest itself, and trust me, you are not prepared. Here's a list detailing all the ways in which the world will and, end if it does, let's hope it's just one and not all of them combined. So, what can happen? 

  • Zombie Apocalypse

Everybody knows this story. Somebody becomes a zombie in some way, and somehow manages to infect a few people, which in turn infect a few other people, and so, the bloodbath begins and zombies manage to conquer the entire world. Few survivor groups are left, scavenging what's left of food and trying to look for communities amongst the chaos. The bloodbath makes it all the more impressive.
  • Nuclear Holocaust

A bunch of countries somehow get into strong disagreements and decide to nuke out. Some people will survive in bunkers, others will survive by pure luck, and in a matter of a few hundred years, everything will have changed, creatures will have mutated, and everybody gets a strenght boost or cancer. 
  • Beginning of WWIII

Same premise of the nuclear holocaust, but instead of nuclear bombs, infantry simple slaughters civilization and whatever survivors there are will try to rebuild on the rubbles of the war, or live opressed under the country that won the war. 
  • Sudden Ice Age

The world freezes its ass over and many species die, few will adapt and survive, and creatures will become furry and huge and fatty again. Humans can survive this one if they prepare themselves right. 
  • Meteoryte

There's no saving yourself from a meteoryte. If it crashes, we die. If we blow it up, it comes in mini-asteroids, and we die. 

  • Planet X

There's 11 planets according to ancient sumerians. The tenth one could have been the moon, but nobody knows where the eleventh is, and it could possibly crash into our planet and kill us all. 
  • Extreme Global Warming

See: Sudden Ice Age. Read: The opposite. 
  • Fine Tuning of the Universe

All the constants that let our universe be what it is are finely tuned, and if they change just a little, everything will cease to exist. If they decrease, all the energy that lets matter exist won't be there. If it increases, stars will burn up in seconds. And guess what, it's increasing. 
  • Infertility Problem

Men appear to be shooting blanks now. That's kind of it. 
  • Gliese-710
Yo mama so fat they call her Gliese-710
A huge star that has such a fat ass that it will pass close to our solar system, and with pure gravity, undo it. 
  • Large Hadron Collider Accident

It will create a black hole and we all die. 
  • Spontaneous Black Hole Generation

Read: Large Hadron Collider Accident.
  • Grain
The horror.
Grain will cover the earth. Everywhere, every single crevice the planet has, and its dryness will cause fires that can spread through a whole continent or two at at time. Good bread, though. 
  • Nanobots (Grey Goo)

Nanobots will be able to create other nanobots and these in turn will create other nanobots. If one escapes, it is estimated that in 72 hours the whole world will be nanobots, or basically, grey goo. If anything from outside lands, it will become nanobots too. 
  • Attack of the Dolphins
Day 40: Humans haven't noticed I am a dolphin.
They will arise and conquer the world. 
  • Return of the Spice Girls

  • Judgement Day

God will revert to Old Testament Mode and get pissed off at everybody and will send Death, Famine, Plague and War for no reason to kill everybody who isn't a Catholic and every Catholic who has ever sinned. Which means everybody. The seas will turn red, as will the moon (fuck yes), and in the end, seven angels will play their trumpets and everything will have been divinely fucked up. 
  • Aliens

They can take many shapes, forms, sizes, colors, but they will come here and kill us. 
  • Subterranean Apocalypse

Creatures will rise up from the underground and kill us, like in Gears of War. 
  • Matrix Apocalypse (Virtual Reality)
Let it be this. 
There's a 20% chance we're living in a virtual reality and the apocalypse has already happened. (Cheat codes, anyone?)
  • The Singularity

Machines will rise and kill us. 
  • Plague
Twelve times shall the clock tick. 
Some unknown virus will appear and fuck everything up. 
  • Rise of the Apes
This really happened.
Monkeys will fuck everything up. 
  • Rise of the Sloths
It will be over.

Friday, December 14, 2012

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Movie Review: The Hobbit

           It's a good day for the world, people, it's Friday, but more specifically, Friday December the fourteenth, and if any of you are wondering whether it's worth the trouble to go check out the new movie based on Tolkein's stories, The Hobbit, then yes, do so. Martin Freeman's acting as Bilbo Baggins, well, it was unexpectedly good, and Ian Mckellen is a good actor whenever he appears. 

Andy Serkis makes an interesting appearance too.
           The movie goes back to a similar style as to which the Fellowship of the Ring had, which had more of a fantasy feeling than the other two movies, which had more themes of warfare. It follows the tale of Bilbo Baggins, the uncle of Frodo, upon whom fate entrusts an adventure into the unknown. He follows thirteen dwarfs, including Thorin Oakenshield, who seeks to reclaim his land from Smaug the dragon, Gloin, who some know as Gimli's father, and with them also travels Gandalf the Grey. 

            I really loved this movie, you cannot imagine how much. You could feel the elements of the original children's story, and yet it had the maturity that Peter Jackson and his fellow writers, including Guillermo del Toro, have put into the script. If anything, the film's a bit long, but damn you, this is a Peter Jackson movie based on Tolkein, there's no other way to watch it. The beginning's also a bit slow, but it does have a nice buildup, one, I believe, that will continue to the end of the trilogy, and it is one end I yearn to see.

Have I forgot to mention? There is also mistery... I for one, am curious about
the Necromancer of Dol Guldur.

Monday, December 10, 2012

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How To: Appreciate Death Metal

         Knowing how the general population is, a lot of you hate metal, let alone death metal. But is death metal simply about who screams in the most beastly way and who can play fastest and crappiest? Hell no, there's a lot of technical considerations when it comes to death metal, so don't complain and listen for the following. 

So intense you will guitar face.
           The most noticeable thing for many people is, of course, the singer. How can you even understand the music if you can't hear what the singer says? It's quite simple: since it's really hard, just enjoy it. The fact that he (sometimes she)'s singing like that means that it probably took them years to master. If you don't believe me, try it. There's been a few frontmen who ended up bleeding from their throats, so appreciate that, you bastard.

It's pure passion.
             As for guitar, well, this is probably the most technical genre for guitar after jazz. Why? There's a lot to learn if you want to play death metal. Just like a vocalist, a guitar player has years to endure to be able to play death metal. You have to be able to sustain speed, wail on the guitar, do things like sweeping, etc., and it's probably even harder for bass players; they do almost the same things, the difference is that the bass players can't lose their rhythm and the strings are way thicker. 

Just look at any video by Meghan the Metal Queen'

She will beat your ass any day of the week on guitar. 
             Now, listen to any death metal song and you're going to immediatly notice the drums. I'll be damned if you don't think the drummers rock. It's probably the hardest thing, it's consuming both physically and mentally. In all the metal concerts i've been, the most tired member at the end is the drummer. 

Look. At. It.
          Considering all of this, listen to a song and you will notice, it seems hard to play. Yes, it is. I just fucking told you like a minute ago. That's when you will notice all the effort that goes into playing that. I will leave you a small, yet comprehensive list for death metal/similar bands so you can listen well.

  • Lamb of God
  • Arsis
  • Cannibal Corpse
  • Morbid Angel
  • Slayer (Some material is thrash, some death)
  • Hypocrisy
  • The Haunted
  • Dethklok
  • Amon Amarth
  • Deicide
  • Obscura
  • Opeth
  • Vader
  • Godflesh
  • Arch Enemy
I've been waiting for an opportunity to use this picture.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

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Mortem Character Profiles: Edgar Blair And His Dark Side

I want you to get an idea of how a few of the main characters are, so I'll let you get to see a small portion of their personality. Check them out. 

-I don’t know, James, chaos is…
-It feels like home. Somewhere deep in my mind, in my heart, I see this… Death, chaos, rage, and I say: This is home.

Edgar Blair:

The main character of Mortem, he sells his soul for a second chance to live, but is he really living? He fights for control with his dark side, and has a constantly changing personality.

-That’s what the asylum was for. That year, that fucking year, wasted.
-You know we had fun that year.
-Still, I’d rather be free than locked with crazy people.
-Other crazy people.
-Yeah. I guess I have to work on repressing you again.
-Oh, Blair. You know you can’t repress me.

Edgar Blair's Dark Side doesn't have a name, but Blair and his friends refer to it as Negativity. He represents all the dark and evil thoughts Blair has, and tries to gain control of his body in crucial moments.

            These are just two of the various characters you can find in Mortem, if you're interested in reading a sample or buying it, check out this page, and if you want it in print, then wait for a month or two, I'll keep you updated. The book also has a facebook page.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

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Remember I told you readers I was going to publish a book? Well, it's finally here, enjoy!


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

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Mortem... Coming Soon

           So, as you can assume, I love writing, and I've been working on this personal project of mine for about three years now: a novel. It's called, as the title says, Mortem, and it's about a guy who asks Death for a second chance, and gets it, but at a price. It's something very dear to me, into which I've put a lot of effort, and well, it's always been a dream of mine to publish a novel since I was a kid. Now, what better day to promote a story about death than halloween? If there are no delays, it goes online this weekend, but for now, I'll leave you with a small excerpt of the book. 

-On your knees, mortal – I coughed blood on the dark, endless floor. I screamed, the pain was too much.

-What happened?

-I will show you.

He pointed left. There was a grave with my name on it. I wanted to know what was going on. He pointed again, and a small circle appeared on the ground. In it I could see myself walking with my friends, when out of nowhere, a guy with a gun came and shot me in the chest.

-Wait, is that me? Can you undo this?

-What’s done is done, kid - He had a deep, calm voice. – It’s time for you to join your ancestors in the realm of the afterlife.

-No! It can’t be true! Please, give me another chance!

          Death stared back at me. He was a slightly tall, thin but strong man in a pinstriped suit. He was Caucasian, and had a British accent. He wore a Rolex watch, and carried a small, portable scythe made of gold. He had a cold, hard look in his eyes. He stared down at me for a while.

-Very well - he sighed-, you can be of value to me. I need a helper, and you have the skillset that’s necessary. You shall do the duties I could not carry out; end with those who still linger in the mortal world.

             If you're interested in reading more, check back on the weekend, and I'll let you readers know where you can find it. If you do read it, I hope you like it, and if you want it in print, check back in a month or two and I'll give you guys the update. 

Friday, October 26, 2012

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How To: Make Milk Paint

What's up, so I uploaded my first youtube video, I couldn't send it to my chemistry teacher through mail, the file size was too big, so why not share it with you? It's a greener solution to making paint and it will save you the costs of having lead in your system. Enjoy. 

Monday, October 15, 2012

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Amanda Todd


          So, another victim to cyberbullying. This time, it's a pretty, teenage white girl, so the world actually gives a shit. Who is Amanda Todd and what the hell happened? Well, this kid was some Canadian who gained attention on Youtube for showing a story with a series of flash cards, which told the story of how she was cyber-bullied. 

           It's 9 minutes long, so if you don't really have the time or don't want to see it, i'll sum it up for you. This little girl got a webcam and went online, where she got compliments like "beautiful", "perfect", and stuff (oh, surprise), and somebody wanted her to show her boobs, so she did. The guy, as it seems, made a screenshot and blackmailed her later. 

            This guy contacted her and told her that if she didn't to a show for him he'd send the topless picture to a lot of people. She doesn't, of course, and this guy makes sure the image spreads around, which it does quite well. Here's where the girl started having panic attacks. Another year later, the guy posts the picture of her topless and a list of her name and a few friends, which of course, turned her into a pariah. 

            After that, she hung out with some old guy friend and had some sort of sex, apparently, and a while later the guy went to her school with his girlfriend and another 15 people, and in front of 50 students, beat the crap out of her and send it to Youtube. After that, she drank bleach, and went to the hospital, and when she came back home she found her facebook full of hate posts and stuff. She started cutting herself and stuff, and on October 10, she's found dead. 

            Well, so what do I think about this? I must really, really emphasize on the fact that she's the one who caused it with the mere action of sending her topless pic. Yeah, it might have seemed harmless to her at the moment, but damn it if it wasn't stupid. What came after wasn't really something she caused but it was something she had coming. Society doesn't have good opinions about a girl who exposes herself, and if the hate was initiated by somebody, more people are going to join in eventually. 

I had to do it.
            Did she learn a lesson? No. She's dead. Did anybody else learn a lesson. No, they won't give a crap in a few days. Maybe a few people out there did, the lesson being DON'T DO STUPID SHIT ON THE INTERNET YOU WOULDN'T DO IN REAL LIFE. It's really, really important for people to learn this. Nothing ever disappears there, nothing can be deleted. If you do something stupid, it will come back to haunt you, no matter who you are. It angers me that a girl that was only fifteen had the guts to kill herself. It's both insanely idiotic, and selfish. I know I usually say that living is a right, not an obligation, but seriously, she had her whole life ahead of her, and well, her family must have been pretty hurt, if they're anything close to decent human beings. 

This also angers me, but well, you can't change society.

Friday, October 12, 2012

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5: Creepy Paintings

This'll be you after reading this article.
            All right, so Halloween is coming, and this gives me the pleasure of creeping you out until the day it arrives. Now, on with the topic of today. As an artist, you can express many things. You show the world what's in your imagination, or your take on any topic you choose, and voila, you can make art (if you're skilled). It's not surprising that people with strange minds are very attracted to this, the world should know how they think, it's usually the weird ones who are more interesting. Of course, there's weird for the weird, and that's where the fucked up comes. Here are a few examples. 

5: Study after Velazquez's portrait of Innocent X - Francis Bacon

             WHAT. THE. FUCK. That's probably the first thing that pops into your mind when you see this painting. It takes a special kind of mind to take something that's normal and turn it into the most twisted thing you've ever seen. Sir Francis Bacon was a bizzare one, and well, this shows it. You want to see the original version of the painting? 

Now get ready to say goodbye to your sanity.

4: The Death of Marat - Edvard Munch

Oh look, she's na- oh shit.
               Munch is the guy you know as the artist of The Scream. He's Norway's most famous painter. He decided to make a rendition of the moment Marat died. He was a leader in the French Revolution who spent all day in the bathtub because of a skin disease, and it was there that Charlotte Corday killed him. There's many renditions of the murder, but, this one's very, very disturbing.

3: Saturn Devouring his Son - Francisco Goya

Saturnine Meat: Eat like a god.
               Roman mythology was heavily based on Greek, and from this came out that, like Cronos is Zeus's father, Saturn is Jupiter's father. And, like Cronos, he made sure he didn't have any powerful successors by eating his children once they were born. This is one in a series of other paintings known as the Black Paintings, but hell, it kind of makes you feel sick. 

2: Pogo the Clown - John Wayne Gacy

Hey kids, I'm the politically incorrect Pogo the Clown!
                *Shudders* In case you don't know who John Wayne Gacy/Pogo the Clown was, he was a serial killer who got to children in his clown suit and, well, killed them. He's got a lot of paintings, but this one just gives you the creeps because, well, it's Pogo. 

1: The Hands Resist Him - Bill Stoneham

                 I know I'm going to have nightmares because of this one. Bill painted this in 1972, and as you can see, it gets creepier the more you look at it. A small boy standing next to a doll, standing in front of a dark window upon which you see hands pressed. Hell, this painting is so unsettling, a rumor about it was made, and well, the artist made a couple of sequels, here we go: 

All right, it's still weird. 

Seriously, what's up with the doll.