Wednesday, February 29, 2012

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How To: Throw A Punch

                     Sometimes, you get to see a situation in which two guys are going to fight and everybody's prompting them to. Also, sometimes, just sometimes, you see somebody land the first punch and then clench his fist in horrible, horrible pain. Why does this happen? Because, if you don't know how to punch, you can seriously fuck your shit up. So, how does one punch?
Observe. This fucker's wrist would be broken by now.
                      First of all, recognize this fact: Your fist, although it may sound ridiculous, is a delicate flower. This means that you do something wrong with the punch, and damn it, you may not be able to use your hand for a while. Here's the deal. There are different kinds of punches, and i'll be sure to explain them all in detail, so you don't screw them up. Now, how does one make a fist? You wrap your fingers on the palm of your hand, and then place the thumb over the fingers. If you put the thumb under, you can break the thumb. Also, your wrist has to be straight. A bit high or a bit low, you can break your wrist. You should be able to balance a book or something on your wrist. Also, keep your fists up, unless you want to screw up every punch and get hit square in the face.
As such.
                       Now, that was just the hands. The first punch we're going to learn about is the jab. The jab is the most simple, and possibly effective punch. With your left foot forward (if you're a lefty), you will throw your left hand forward, keeping the arm straight, and twisting your hip so that the left arm will stretch forward. This punch is used to distract the other fighter from a distance and to get his guard down. If you want to try it with the other hand, it's called a cross, and you have to twist the whole body to get the arm forward. This is usually what follows a jab. 
This will always annoy the other boxer.
                       Another very important punch is the swing. This punch can be very powerful if made well. For a swing, you have to swing your whole body to the direction at which the hit goes, sort of like when you swing at golf. The fist is placed sideways, and is intended to hit the oponnent's chin. You have to twist your waist and if you're punching with the front fist, the front leg should move towards the direction. If you're hitting with the back fist, your hind leg should twist. There's a variant for this called the hook, which is used to hit the oponnent's body. Simply aim lower. 
Swings also make up for the ugliest fucking faces.
                       The most potentially-packed punch is the uppercut. This one's the hardest. Hell, boxers with years of training can get it wrong. If you're going to punch with the front fist, swing your torso so that your right elbow is aligned with your left knee (or vice-versa if you're a lefty), and then lift your whole body along with your arm, to increase the pack of the punch. You have to remember to keep your wrist straight, because this is the punch that usually tends to give you carpal tunnel or something. If you're punching with your back fist, make sure your right elbow is aligned with your right knee (or viceversa), then lift. Hit the fucker in the chin.
Uppercuts make ugly faces too, and not even God knows how that dude landed the punch in the first place.
                        Well, this is sort of it for basic punches, and if you learn to do it right, you won't need the more advanced ones (unless you're getting into MMA and shit). So, yeah, practice, and practice, use bandages and gloves at first, then use only bandages and if you think you're so hardcore as to handle the burns and bleeding, then take the bandages off. And punch a douchebag, I hate those. 
Please do so if you haven't.

Friday, February 24, 2012

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Movie Review: Spirited Away

                       This movie, for those of you that haven't watched it yet, is something else. It's a whole new level of moviemaking. Those of you who have watched it already, you know, as well as I do, that the film can really impact you on a way it's hard to express. 

                       Spirited Away is about a girl named Chihiro who has to move houses. While on the road, her father gets lost and they wind up in an abandoned town. Once the night arrives, weird things start happening, and before you know it, Chiriro makes a bet which could cost her own name and soul. That's mostly what I can say without spoiling it. 

This is a big part of the story, and you'll understand this as soon as you watch the movie.
                       The movie's awesome because of, well, everything. The characters are colorful, and feel real. There's a bit of everything. There are spirits and mortal beings alike. The witch Yababa makes for an excellent villain. Kaonashi (No-Face) is an excellent character, you'll be able to recognize him quickly. 

This guy right here, my favorite character from the film.
                     The designs are awesome, especially the variety of color in the film. The themes are great, which include references to Alice in Wonderland, and there's also the coming of age, which is a sort of metaphor for the Japanese Society, which is more and more drifting away from their traditional values.

And weird spider-men that look like Doctor Egg.
                       There's also the music, mostly composed by Joe Hisaishi. It's very beautiful and complements the film perfectly. It's good enough to bring you to tears (Not that I did *sniff* big boys don't cry). It's both soothing and keeps you attentive to what's going on. 

This guy's music is the shit.
                       Well, that's mostly what I can say about the movie, so if you haven't watched it, then go look for it, and if you have, watch it again. You know you want to. If you watch it and know somebody who would like the film, tell them to read this, or to get it. It's really worth it. 

Seriously. You'll adore it.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

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Is Ultra-Thin Ultra-Sexy?

                   All right, so I've met some girls who eat ridiculously low amounts of food so they can get thinner than they already are. Many of these girls were already thin and were eating something like a yogurt a day and that sort of shit. They get the feeling that being skeletal like many current hollywood movie stars are right now will make them more beautiful. Well, I'd beg to differ, and here's why. 

                  First and foremost, when a girl loses weight, she doesn't only lose stomach fat (which is the first thing they lose), but when they've lost all that, the boobs and derriere start to go too. THAT SUCKS. Why? Because they're the reason we men live. All right, maybe not so much, but still, they're stuff that we're not willing for you to lose. 

Some sideboob would rock, but as you can see, THERE ARE NO BOOBS.
                   Also, weight isn't everything. If your BMI says you're obese, and people tell you you look fine, well, it's because you look fine. Especially if you work out. You're going to be heavier because of muscle mass. I'll give you an easy example. Let's compare Keira Knightley and Sofía Vergara. Now, both of them are beautiful. Damn it, if any of them asked anybody out they wouldn't say no (a damn girl wouldn't say no). Still, after looking at Keira's body, and Sofía's, you'll quickly realize who would be a better baby bearer (if you know what I mean). Why? EVOLUTION, BABY!

This here's what we men call a suitable mate.
                    We men, of course, look for the most fertile women with the best genes. Sure, you can be the strongest, most handsome bastard, but you risk the baby being a skinny a fucker as the mother (say Keira) would be. But, if you had him with Vergara, you'd know that the baby wouldn't be skinny, and you'd know it. It'd be fucking beautiful! Why? Sofía has better genes. Besides, she has wider hips, which is something we notice. That lets us know the baby will come out all right. 

What I'm implying is that the hourglass figure is sexier than a plank-shape figure.

                      Of course, we don't think about evolutionary shit when we're looking for a mate. We think about her face, the boobs and the ass. Because, like I said, those are beautiful. I mean, seriously, we men wouldn't have it any other way. Also, if you want proof that curvier women are more successful, then, how about some examples? Marilyn Monroe was a size 12, and was still one of America's most beautiful women. You've got Sofía, Kim's not so bad either. Jennifer Lopez got her fame because of her big, voluptuous behind.


                      Now, don't take going curvy as far as Adele does. You don't want to become one single curve. You want to be a big lump followed by a small curve or flat and then followed by another bump from behind. Men don't care how big your abs are, as long as they're not too big and the rest is in good proportion. Take Kat Dennings for example. She's got a great body. She's about 1.65 and weighs almost 90 kilograms (that's my weight, and I'm a dude), so as you can see, weight is not the problem. It's simply being healthy enough. 

Short, heavy, and still goddamn beautiful.
                       So, I hope this proves a point. Girls, don't worry about how much you weight, you have to care about how good you look. The way to look good is to be healthy, so be healthy. That'll give you the figure you want. Just, don't overdo it. 

Monday, February 20, 2012

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Kurt Cobain

                  All right, so today would be the birthday of ex-grunge rocker Kurt Cobain. It's already been about 18 years since his death.With his death, grunge slowly died out and it paved the way for post-grunge. So he's made a few bad decisions in life AHEM! Courtney Love, anyone?

                  So, today, he would be 45 years old. He was a troubled man. He always felt that his artistic message was misinterpreted by the public (which of course, it usually was). When journalists and people tried to interpret his songs, he'd get mad, for he felt that the music came first, lyrics second. 

And then the weed.

                 Cobain was a drug user since he was 13 years old. He also had bronchitis, which gave him problems, but also could have given him his awesome voice. He then became addicted to heroine, and this had created a bit of complications during the Nevermind tour. 

                  One of Cobain's happiest moments must have been knowing he was going to be a father. He had his daughter with Love, Frances Bean Cobain. In the beginning, she was given by court order to Courtney's sister, but she was given back to the couple later. 

                 Kurt had already attempted suicide a few times, without success. He was seen in various places in Seattle, but then disappeared all of a sudden. He was searched for, without success. After a while, an electrician who was going to install an alarm system found him. That must have been a gross sight. Kobain commited suicide with a shotgun. He wrote a suicide note to his imaginary friend, "Boddah", which explained how he was fed up with life. 

He was very influenced by Buddhism.
                 On his vigil at Seattle Center, where over 7,000 people attended, recorded messages by Kris Novoselic and Love were played. There, the bitch known as Love told everybody to tell Kobain a big "Fuck You". In no context is that good, at all. 

                 Still, after all that went through, Kobain was still the voiceman of the Generation X, and without him, a lot of music would be very, very different. Now, he wasn't very technical, and Nirvana sucked live, but still, their music was good, and Kobain will definitely be missed. 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

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Stuff To Learn From Buddhism

                    Buddhism, as we know it, is one of the most peaceful religions there are out there. But, still, we never take the time to analyze it well. This leaves us ignorant of some really good advice that's just waiting for us to use it. So, what can we learn from Siddharta Gautama?

Besides having an awesome ball of light hovering over our heads?
                    First of all, it's ok to start small. A lot of people always try to start something headfirst and end up breaking their heads. If we start bit by bit, we'll eventually get to the objective we're looking to reach. Nobody really succeeds overnight, but those who work progressively will get to what they want, with a bit of patience.

                    Thoughts become things. What does this mean? If you're having evil thoughts, the evil will be given and felt by yourself. If you think happy, you'll feel happy. As Buddha said it: "The mind is everything. What you think, you become." So, yeah, a lot of guys will want to think porn. That's not what it means. If you're looking at life with a positive view, well, you're on your way to a positive life. If you look at life negatively, well, you're pretty fucked. 

This is sort of how it works (but thoughts can't become boobs, so sorry).

                     Actions count. You're never going to show something just by talking about it. It's like the authors who never publish any work, or a musician who never writes a song, but still mentions it any time he can. He's not really a musician or an author unless he actually does what he says he will.

                     A very important lesson is to learn to forgive. I actually had this situation earlier this morning. A friend and I fought and we both got very mad, but we knew that we wouldn't get anywhere just by bickering, so later that day, we were quick to forgive. If you hold your anger within, bad stuff will happen. You can get ulcers, and even constipated. 

Come on you bastard, forgive!

                     Seek to understand. Always, always be open to new ideas. I've met people who are very close-minded, and frankly, it's horrible. You can't win with those people. Why? It's called ignorance. If I'm presenting an idea, and a person simply chooses their own idea for the sake of that being their own idea, it's the definition of ignorance; they're ignoring me. You don't get any new knowledge with that. That way, a Hinduist or a Christian or a Jew may not accept ideas that were told by Buddha, or they could, depending on the person. The point is, if you stick to your ideas, you're not getting much out of life, then. 

                     Be thankful. If you don't remember why you are who you are, you're bound to forget who you are at some point in the road. That also reminds me of another thing Buddha said. Conquer yourself. What does this mean? If you know how you are, and you know how to be yourself to your own benefit, then you can move mountains. 

Defeat your dark side.

                     Travel well. This one's actually quite fun. They say that the road to the destination is half the fun. Take advantage of it. How? While you're traveling, look around. Inhale, and take in the beauty around you (unless you're in Detroit). Talk with new people, learn from them. Take notes on your travels and keep them for yourself, or share them. This also applies to life. Don't be anxious for the result of what you want, but enjoy every single step of the way. 

Enjoy the view.
                      “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” This is one of my favorites. It means that you need to go easy on yourself. Why? Because you're not perfect. Nobody is. That's what makes us human. And we have to recognize the fact that we can make mistakes, so we don't beat ourselves up every time we do. 


                         Peace comes from within. Do not seek it from without. You won't find peace anywhere outside of yourself. If you're not at peace inside, you won't be, until you calm down your anger and suffering. Well, that's more or less the most important things we can learn from Gautama. He was a very, very wise man, and, although I don't agree fully with his views (for example, embracement of poverty), I admire him for being the man he was. 

You're my favorite happy fat guy.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

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Valentine's Day

                    Sorry I've been neglecting this blog, I've been a bit busy the last few days. Well, let's get to the topic. Ah, so the famous day of love and despera- er, companionship(t) is coming, and everybody's running around looking for tips for how to make that special someone have their feet swept up from the ground from the romance. Well, let's review.  

                    Sometimes simple, romantic gestures like a box of chocolates (well wrapped, you want your girl to work it a bit), or maybe a bouquet of roses, if you're looking to show her what she means to you, and even a single rose, if you're looking to be more romantic. Always bring a card with a poem, either yours or somebody else's, as long as it's good. Trust me, you won't sweep a girl off her feet with "Roses are red, get into bed."
This only works on metalheads.
                    Most of the time, Valentine's Day is associated with going out with your girl/guy and doing some fun shit together. Unfortunately, this year it's on a Tuesday. So, what's the deal here? Well, you can make time (come on, your partner deserves it), and take him/her out to dinner or a movie. Or a movie and dinner. Or maybe go on a romantic crime spree or something, I don't know. Originality gets you points. 

For example, I've always been looking for a girl who can appreciate black roses.
                    After the day is over and your wallet is empty, remember to say goodbye in a romantic fashion. If you want to go old-school, hit her in the head with a club. In touch with your instinct? Flap your arms around and sqwak in her face, while making weird noises in her face. Body odors also help if that's what you're doing. You could recite a poem in Klingon or something if she's into nerdy guys.

I'd tap that.
                    The thing is to show him/her what he/she really means to you, no matter how much the other person probably ignores you while you cry yourself to sleep. So, yeah, start grooming, guys, don't manscape, that stuff's for sissies. Women, manscape. With enough preparation, you'll make this valentine's day fucking awesome for you and your special other. (Gay pink font is gay).
Kidnapping also works, if you're into kinky stuff.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

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How To: Handle Stress

                    All right, so we're already doing partial exams (there are three then finals) and they've been giving us a shitload of projects and it's TOO MUCH IT'S TOO FUCKING MUCH! I've already uploaded a post about stress, but I DON'T FUCKING CARE! So, to all my friends out there, you're going to need this. If you can't deal with your stress, you're going to break harder than the Wall of Berlin, so you better pay some damn attention.

                    First of all, if you're going through a lot, try to organize your time. You have to recognize the fact that you have no time for fun and games these days, so you're going to get to work. If you have teamwork, leave the communication platforms open, but pay no attention to them. Close the sites you're watching for fun like Cracked, 4chan, Reddit, Tumblr, or whatever you do on the internet. 

-Close 4chan?
-Yes, fucker, you close 4chan!
                    Now, if your project or what you were assigned to study is too fucking long, try to separate it in parts, with some small, 10-minute rests for every hour you work. Unless, of course,  you're used to not having breaks, which makes you a lot fucking faster (yes, fucking is an adjective for me). 

Now, shut the fuck up and listen!
                    While this reduces your stress, it won't eliminate it. If you're going to be locked in your room all day, know what you need. You need music. I don't care if it's classical, heavy metal, or even pop. If it relaxes you, listen to it. Also, if you don't get dizzy easily, you can light an incense which helps you relax a bit. Chewing gum also helps. You're going to have to move a bit after a lot of stress, so when you're resting, stretch a bit. Motivators don't really help that much. They're just there, and in fact reading something a lot of times can stress you, so it's not really something I would suggest. 

Here's a motivator to know what happens if you FUCKING HAVE MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS AROUND.
                      Now, good luck with partials, projects and shit. This is all I could post because I'm actually out of time right now, and I'll try to keep posting here whenever I can (although it's very, very hard). Keep working hard and build your future or some shit like that. Oh, and don't overstress yourselves. You'll get gas. 

Also, if you get gassy, you get this shirt for free!