Thursday, February 9, 2012

Valentine's Day

                    Sorry I've been neglecting this blog, I've been a bit busy the last few days. Well, let's get to the topic. Ah, so the famous day of love and despera- er, companionship(t) is coming, and everybody's running around looking for tips for how to make that special someone have their feet swept up from the ground from the romance. Well, let's review.  

I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO LIVE.
                    Sometimes simple, romantic gestures like a box of chocolates (well wrapped, you want your girl to work it a bit), or maybe a bouquet of roses, if you're looking to show her what she means to you, and even a single rose, if you're looking to be more romantic. Always bring a card with a poem, either yours or somebody else's, as long as it's good. Trust me, you won't sweep a girl off her feet with "Roses are red, get into bed."
This only works on metalheads.
                    Most of the time, Valentine's Day is associated with going out with your girl/guy and doing some fun shit together. Unfortunately, this year it's on a Tuesday. So, what's the deal here? Well, you can make time (come on, your partner deserves it), and take him/her out to dinner or a movie. Or a movie and dinner. Or maybe go on a romantic crime spree or something, I don't know. Originality gets you points. 

For example, I've always been looking for a girl who can appreciate black roses.
                    After the day is over and your wallet is empty, remember to say goodbye in a romantic fashion. If you want to go old-school, hit her in the head with a club. In touch with your instinct? Flap your arms around and sqwak in her face, while making weird noises in her face. Body odors also help if that's what you're doing. You could recite a poem in Klingon or something if she's into nerdy guys.

I'd tap that.
                    The thing is to show him/her what he/she really means to you, no matter how much the other person probably ignores you while you cry yourself to sleep. So, yeah, start grooming, guys, don't manscape, that stuff's for sissies. Women, manscape. With enough preparation, you'll make this valentine's day fucking awesome for you and your special other. (Gay pink font is gay).
Kidnapping also works, if you're into kinky stuff.