Thursday, March 8, 2012

Women

                      Well, today's Women's Day, and they do deserve a special celebration. Throughout hisory, they have been cleaning up after us men, and without them, we wouldn't have really done much. I mean, if getting rich wouldn't get you women, then why get rich? I kid, I kid, but a world without women wouldn't be the same. A lot of its beauty would be entirely gone. So, I have decided to get a lot of quotes together like on other special occations, all of them speaking truths about what we think of women. Enjoy.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.  ~Dave Barry

Women like silent men.  They think they're listening.  ~Marcel Achard

Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.  ~Author Unknown

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.  ~Arnold Haultain

Women are always beautiful.  ~Ville Valo

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.  Luckily, this is not difficult.  ~Charlotte Whitton

Women get the last word in every argument.  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.  ~Author Unknown

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad.  An optimist is a man who hopes they are.  ~Chauncey Mitchell Depew

Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage.  ~Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly

A man's face is his autobiography.  A woman's face is her work of fiction.  ~Oscar Wilde

Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.  ~Ovid

Ah, women.  They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.  ~Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly.  ~Sam Slick (Thomas Chandler Haliburton)

The torment that so many young women know, bound hand and foot by love and motherhood, without having forgotten their former dreams.  ~Simone de Beauvoir

Be to her virtues very kind,

Be to her faults a little blind. ~Matthew Prior


They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation.  ~Oliver Goldsmith

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.  ~Aristotle Onassis

Men will always delight in a woman whose voice is lined with velvet.  ~Brendan Francis

Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.  ~Elsa Schiaparelli

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.  ~Oscar Wilde

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.  ~Woody Allen

It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman.  ~Alexandre Dumas

A woman should soften but not weaken a man.  ~Sigmund Freud

No woman will ever be satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that shoots out money.  ~Author Unknown

The girls that are always easy on the eyes are never easy on the heart.  ~Author Unknown

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery.  ~Diana Stürm

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.  ~Helen Rowland

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.  ~Stanley Baldwin

And verily, a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.  ~Helen Rowland

There are three ways to spread news:  telegram, television, and tellawoman.  ~Author Unknown

After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of that one.  And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.  ~Mel Gibson

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.  ~Benny Hill

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.  ~Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"

The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.  ~Robert Graves

There are three things men can do with women:  love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.  ~Stephen Stills

Behind every great woman is a guy looking at her ass.  ~Author Unknown

A husband only worries about a particular Other Man; a wife distrusts her whole species.

A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful.  ~Karl Kraus

A man chases a woman until she catches him.  ~American Proverb

Beauty is the first present Nature gives to women, and the first it takes away.  ~Méré

Once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her.  ~John Vanbrugh

Through sources, we have obtained the following alien assessment of the human species:  The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be.  The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is.  ~Robert Brault

Women speak two languages - one of which is verbal.  ~William Shakespeare

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.  ~James Thurber

I hate women because they always know where things are.  ~Voltaire

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.  ~Author Unknown

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.  ~H.L. Mencken (Well shit.)

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.


Women are necessary evils.

The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?” - Sigmund Freud

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. - Oscar Wilde (This fucker seriously knew women).

I'm supposed to have a Ph.D. on the subject of women. But the truth is I've flunked more often than not. I'm very fond of women; I admire them. But, like all men, I don't understand them. - Frank Sinatra

                            Well, that's all the quotes we're looking at for today, I don't want this to be grueling for you. Now, happy Women's Day, and know that without you, we would be fuck-all fatsos with cheeto's dust that never get out of our rooms. That is, if we could have made it here in the first place. I think that we'd died from scurvy some milennia ago. Know that we love you and despise you at the same time (we fear what we can't understand), and we will always take care of you, no matter how many jackasses are out there trying to hurt you.