Monday, June 25, 2012

Pheromone Parties

I smell... cherries, berries, and um... feces.
        The way men and women are meeting are changing quite quickly. In a few years it went from asking her parents for her hand, to having her run away from her parents in secret, to the parents not giving a damn anymore, to online dating, and now... there's Pheromone Parties, and let me explain what's up with those. 

Maybe... that's taking it a little too far.
       First of all, how does attraction work? It's very scientific, actually. If the right hormones click, well, then, your mental clarity will go to hell to get you in a state of bliss and euphoria in which you can make a few questionable decisions. So, yeah, just like being high. Except that this particular high, we call being in love, and love is dictated by, you guessed it, pheromones. 

Here you can see a female homo sapiens putting on a face that means either disgust or constipation.
       What you do in these parties is that three days before you get a clean shirt, in which you sleep for three days, so it can catch your body odor. You put that shit in a Ziploc bag, and members of the opposite sex will smell that funk of yours. Basically, your more primal instincts will be the ones that get you deciding whoever your partner will be. There's already been one party in Brooklyn and two in L.A. 

I... cannot tell what that in the background is.
        Now, there have been a few success stories, and the longest running relationship right now has lasted for six months thanks to one of the parties. Who knows how long they could last? Now, is this pseudoscience? Should we wave this off as something utterly ridiculous? Umm, nope. You're not going to decide purely on smell, of course. The pheromones are acting only as conversation starters, it's a sort of new way to get to meet people, more than anything. 

See? Yao Ming does it too!
        So, if one of these parties is going to happen near your residence, then go for it. It should be interesting to give it a try, and who knows? You might find somebody very, very compatible. Now, girls, maybe some of you are going to be disgusted, because, well, a guy's spunk for three days can be a bit reeky, that's just common sense. Guys, girls always smell good, unless they're morbidly obese, so you're not going to get it as roughly. Hell, if we're doing this based on hormones now, who knows what's next? It's both interesting and scary at the same time. 

Oh.
(Click to enlarge)