Monday, June 25, 2012

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What Makes A Man A Man?

This man's name is Dick Pound. That's fucking manly.
        Today is a special day because the blog finally reaches 30,000 views. Thank you, hired children from  poverty-stricken countries, to hit refresh so many times. So, I decided to reflect upon the nature of man and what makes him who he is. This is a question that many ask themselves and that will possibly never be truly answered, because as you can tell reality doesn't really exist and shit (I'm just messing with you, that's reserved for philosophy undergraduates). 

A beard? Or not a beard? That is the question.
        So, what makes a man a man? Is it the ability to make tough choices when he needs to? Is it providing for his family through both good and bad? Having a sense of honor? Being "manly", for example, being willing to wrestle with a bear, to fight an army of demons, to take a crap under a tree? To be willing to sleep with a woman instead of another man?

Ladies, Bieber is NOT gay. He's a lesbian. Therefore, he's not a man.
        Well, one thing's for sure. Men can be agressive, they can be delicate, they can be straight, gay, poetic, rude, have class or be the lowest of the low. Any man is still a man. Sure, one could be a dancer and the other could be a boxer. Remember Billy Elliot? He sticks to his guns, against his dad, no matter what. Rocky Marciano kept fighting and fighting, and never lost. 

Let's not forget rednecks, who stick to their guns, both literally and figuratively.
     Does homosexuality make a man less of a man? Nope. In fact, many homophobics out there are hypocrites, because they admire people like Freddy Mercury or Neil Patrick Harris, who is gay and still gets laid more than us. Elton John also gets a lot of admiration, and John Travolta had a secret gay boyfriend for six years! (Oh no, what a surprise.). 

Pictured: John Travolta and his pilot, about to join the Mile-High Club.
       There are few men who you can consider as not being men anymore. They're not slaves, if that's what you're thinking. Men who are not men are those that have lost their mental faculties completely. They can be sane or insane. For example, that cannibalistic man from Miami who ate the other guy's face reduced himself to the level of an animal. Another example is a person like Heinrich Himmler, who is the man that designed the Holocaust itself. He was intelligent, yes, intelligent enough to be Hitler's puppetmaster, almost, but his inner hatred towards Jews and acting upon it reduced him to an animal. 

He sealed a deal with the devil for good looks.
       So, basically, any man is a man, as long as he doesn't degrade himself to a lower level. You can be anything you want to be, as long as you don't violate the rights of others, and are still a man. Be whoever the hell you want to be, remember, everybody has friends and everybody has haters. All you need is to be yourself, and a pair of testicles. If you don't have those, you're a woman, either from birth or legally.

I'm still trying to decide whether this girl's face or Monique's legs are hairier.