Sunday, August 26, 2012

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Snooki And Her Baby

Oh sh- All right, how do I put this nicely?
          So, we now live in a world where Snooki is somebody's mother. In celebration, the letters in this post are spray-tanned. Well, what about the kid? Is he going to be all right? Is he going to be screwed? Well, there's a lot of factors to put into the equation, but first of all, I genuinely congratulate Snooki for actually reaching the birthing point with a healthy baby. That takes a bit of work. 

She did nail the parent look, though.
          Now, the interesting part. The kid is called Lorenzo Dominic LaValle. If you think it can't get much more guido than this, well, I mean, the father's name is Jionny. Now, there's two ways where this can go from here. Snooki and Jionny can continue their guido ways and raise a kid who will love doing nothing but spray-tanning, going to the gym and becoming a juicehead, or Snooki and Jionny can mature. I can't even believe I said the latter. 

Snooki and Jionny, seen here in their Oompa Loompa costumes.
          Lorenzo, I don't know what's going to happen to you, but if it doesn't go well, it's not your fault kid. Hell, I've never even watched Jersey Shore, I don't know how Snooki or J-Woww or the Situation and the other douches really are, but they don't seem to be a gang of intellectuals if you ask me. Still, your parents have money, so you may or may not be fine.