Wednesday, December 19, 2012

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The Many Ways In Which The World Can End

         Readers, quite honestly, the apocalypse can suck my dick, but still, there's many ways it can manifest itself, and trust me, you are not prepared. Here's a list detailing all the ways in which the world will and, end if it does, let's hope it's just one and not all of them combined. So, what can happen? 

  • Zombie Apocalypse

Everybody knows this story. Somebody becomes a zombie in some way, and somehow manages to infect a few people, which in turn infect a few other people, and so, the bloodbath begins and zombies manage to conquer the entire world. Few survivor groups are left, scavenging what's left of food and trying to look for communities amongst the chaos. The bloodbath makes it all the more impressive.
  • Nuclear Holocaust

A bunch of countries somehow get into strong disagreements and decide to nuke out. Some people will survive in bunkers, others will survive by pure luck, and in a matter of a few hundred years, everything will have changed, creatures will have mutated, and everybody gets a strenght boost or cancer. 
  • Beginning of WWIII

Same premise of the nuclear holocaust, but instead of nuclear bombs, infantry simple slaughters civilization and whatever survivors there are will try to rebuild on the rubbles of the war, or live opressed under the country that won the war. 
  • Sudden Ice Age

The world freezes its ass over and many species die, few will adapt and survive, and creatures will become furry and huge and fatty again. Humans can survive this one if they prepare themselves right. 
  • Meteoryte

There's no saving yourself from a meteoryte. If it crashes, we die. If we blow it up, it comes in mini-asteroids, and we die. 

  • Planet X

There's 11 planets according to ancient sumerians. The tenth one could have been the moon, but nobody knows where the eleventh is, and it could possibly crash into our planet and kill us all. 
  • Extreme Global Warming

See: Sudden Ice Age. Read: The opposite. 
  • Fine Tuning of the Universe

All the constants that let our universe be what it is are finely tuned, and if they change just a little, everything will cease to exist. If they decrease, all the energy that lets matter exist won't be there. If it increases, stars will burn up in seconds. And guess what, it's increasing. 
  • Infertility Problem

Men appear to be shooting blanks now. That's kind of it. 
  • Gliese-710
Yo mama so fat they call her Gliese-710
A huge star that has such a fat ass that it will pass close to our solar system, and with pure gravity, undo it. 
  • Large Hadron Collider Accident

It will create a black hole and we all die. 
  • Spontaneous Black Hole Generation

Read: Large Hadron Collider Accident.
  • Grain
The horror.
Grain will cover the earth. Everywhere, every single crevice the planet has, and its dryness will cause fires that can spread through a whole continent or two at at time. Good bread, though. 
  • Nanobots (Grey Goo)

Nanobots will be able to create other nanobots and these in turn will create other nanobots. If one escapes, it is estimated that in 72 hours the whole world will be nanobots, or basically, grey goo. If anything from outside lands, it will become nanobots too. 
  • Attack of the Dolphins
Day 40: Humans haven't noticed I am a dolphin.
They will arise and conquer the world. 
  • Return of the Spice Girls

  • Judgement Day

God will revert to Old Testament Mode and get pissed off at everybody and will send Death, Famine, Plague and War for no reason to kill everybody who isn't a Catholic and every Catholic who has ever sinned. Which means everybody. The seas will turn red, as will the moon (fuck yes), and in the end, seven angels will play their trumpets and everything will have been divinely fucked up. 
  • Aliens

They can take many shapes, forms, sizes, colors, but they will come here and kill us. 
  • Subterranean Apocalypse

Creatures will rise up from the underground and kill us, like in Gears of War. 
  • Matrix Apocalypse (Virtual Reality)
Let it be this. 
There's a 20% chance we're living in a virtual reality and the apocalypse has already happened. (Cheat codes, anyone?)
  • The Singularity

Machines will rise and kill us. 
  • Plague
Twelve times shall the clock tick. 
Some unknown virus will appear and fuck everything up. 
  • Rise of the Apes
This really happened.
Monkeys will fuck everything up. 
  • Rise of the Sloths
It will be over.