|Oh sh- All right, how do I put this nicely?|
So, we now live in a world where Snooki is somebody's mother. In celebration, the letters in this post are spray-tanned. Well, what about the kid? Is he going to be all right? Is he going to be screwed? Well, there's a lot of factors to put into the equation, but first of all, I genuinely congratulate Snooki for actually reaching the birthing point with a healthy baby. That takes a bit of work.
Now, the interesting part. The kid is called Lorenzo Dominic LaValle. If you think it can't get much more guido than this, well, I mean, the father's name is Jionny. Now, there's two ways where this can go from here. Snooki and Jionny can continue their guido ways and raise a kid who will love doing nothing but spray-tanning, going to the gym and becoming a juicehead, or Snooki and Jionny can mature. I can't even believe I said the latter.
|Snooki and Jionny, seen here in their Oompa Loompa costumes.|
Lorenzo, I don't know what's going to happen to you, but if it doesn't go well, it's not your fault kid. Hell, I've never even watched Jersey Shore, I don't know how Snooki or J-Woww or the Situation and the other douches really are, but they don't seem to be a gang of intellectuals if you ask me. Still, your parents have money, so you may or may not be fine.