Tuesday, June 4, 2013

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How To: Be An Idiot

            Life is hard. Indeed, all you readers know it. There are people with personalities, intellect, or records that are larger than life, and of course, not everybody can reach those standards. So many people take to being idiots, but, how, exactly, can one be an idiot?

If you're smarter than this by the end of the article, you weren't paying attention.
        First of all, don't give a crap about your education. I mean, getting a degree is hard and many companies want that as the bare minimum which is pretty hard. That being said, whenever you really need something, just get all the requirements you need and nothing else. No need to shine among the pack. Yes, your chances will be slim but you'll have a chance, and this applies for job interviews, colleges, clubs, etc. But of course, as an idiot you wouldn't have any interest in that. 

Small circle good, big circle bad.
             An important aspect of being an idiot is that whenever you have a problem you have to try and try again, but don't change anything. Don't worry, maybe someday something different will happen, who knows? Also, don't record anything, be it results, dates, even small appointments you have to go to. If you remember an hour or a day later, it won't make any difference, you'll be that closer to being a dumbass. 

"I'm terribly sorry, sir, but the anti-progressive convention was four years ago."
            Don't read. At all. Warning signs, newspapers, internet articles, books, whatever, reading's for nerds. And yes, there are smart people who almost never pick up books because they don't have time. Their secret is doing something productive, which could be something creative, or working, or developing a skill like dancing or playing music, but of course, don't do it. You could spend your time sleeping, getting stoned, watching horrible television, you know, whatever doesn't take an effort. 

               And when you're comfortably dumbed down and somebody offers an opportunity, don't take it! Opportunities mean work, and you don't want to have anything to do with that, now, do you? Work's for squares, and you're not one. Also, when your friends stop speaking to you (that is, if you had any friends), don't worry, you can buy some booze and be friends with a couple of dweebs from junior high, or maybe that creepy old guy from the apartments down the street. He seems to be a blast.

Try to be like these guys!
                Also, the more you don't interact with smart people the better. Don't be like them. Don't organize yourself. Why clean up? It'll get dirty again anyways. Besides, you already know where everything is, I mean, why make the effort? You know that whole clean room clean mind mumbo jumbo's a piece of crap anyways.

Ah, zen.
               Whenever you have to take the opportunity to go to some important place or event, don't learn about it beforehand or while you're there, you'll look like a damn geek if you do, and nobody wants to be that, other people will get jealous then hate you! 

Someone else of course because they won't notice you.
               Although, why be considerate of other people? Why even bother to have values and morals? I mean, every man for himself, right? By this point, your family and friends have left you behind, why even bother to be good to others? You just go ahead and be that selfish bastard you've wanted to be. Sure, in the long run you may struggle but the short run's the one that matters, isn't it? Besides, life is too short and if you were remembered it wouldn't be for that long, so, yeah, no reason to give a shit.

That's the spirit!
                  Of course, don't remember the difference between your and you're, there their and they're, or any of those complicated words, and try to adopt words like yolo and swag into your daily language. Try not to use more than four-lettered words, period.

               So, as you can see, it's pretty simple, simply don't work, don't learn, don't make an effort, because, why should you even bother? If you follow this article well (and make sure it's the last one you ever read), you'll be an idiot in no time! And your comfortable life as a lazy bastard can finally begin. 

Hell, maybe you can impress somebody so much they'll make a book about you!